Becoming a Hero

I have been thinking a lot about heroism the past several days.

And to be honest, it is because a close friend was honest with me and shared that she thought I was doing some things in my life because I want to be seen as the hero.

That type of honest feedback can give a mind quite a bit to think about.

This thought came to me this morning:

You don't become a hero by trying to be a hero. You cannot deem yourself a hero. You naturally become a hero when the people you interact with experience freedom. You become a hero when the person you speak with next experiences the freedom to be themselves when they are with you.

It has much more to do with your impact than your intent.

One may intend to be a hero. Yet if one doesn't have the impact of freedom, one must ask oneself the question "What am I being a hero towards?" "What is the intent of my heroism?"

If the impact of one's intended heroism is not setting others free, it is possible that it is actually enslaving them. Because if I am trying to be a hero for my own sake, then I must use others to attempt to prove to myself and others that I am hero.

On the other hand, if I go about life in such a way that sets others free, then the focus is not really about me anyways. I will not be concerned with being the hero. I will not be worried as to whether or not people think of me as amazing. I will simply care that they are free.

I wonder how I got here. To a place where I am more committed to being a hero than I am committed to seeing others come alive.

Regardless of how I got here, the shift happens now.

Who do you focus on more each day? Yourself or the lives you long to impact?

Asking Questions and Giving Advice

As an exercise today, take an internal inventory of when you are asking others questions vs when you give others advice (solicited or not).

Asking others questions brings about self-generated insights.

Giving advice is a form of giving your insights to others.

It is no secret that people act much more quickly and with much more intentionality when they generate their own insights.

And, studies show that when you ask a number of questions, aid someone in coming up with self-generated insights, at that point their brain is then more open to the advice you have.

How much more possibility would you have access today if you led with intentional questions?

We need you to lead us

So many people are just living with the status quo, simply because that is what everyone else is doing.

I believe many of these people are longing to be led out of the mediocre life.

It only takes one.

Who will you lead out of mediocrity today?

It could be a conversation in a coffee shop, an encouraging note or email, a hug, or anything else you can do to creatively lead others.

We need you.

Say that clearly

Susan Scott writes,

What I get to say is not what I want to say,
is not what they listen to,
is not what they hear,
is not what they understand,
is not what they remember when I'm gone,
What do I want them to remember when I'm gone?
I need to say that, and only that...clearly!

What do I want them to remember when I'm gone?

This question is greatly informing the way I go about my day?

With my interactions, I am interested in how people will remember me after a particular conversation, after they see me interact with others, etc.

This helps me clarify the impact I am committed to having.

What someone is not saying

Have you ever tried listening to what someone is not saying verbally?

As in, truly listening to what they are saying with their demeanor, presence, non verbals, tones, volume, frustrations, pain, hurt, self-criticism, etc...

I am certain, if you do this today, you will listen at a new level.

You will be dialed in to the conversation at a new level.

There have been few times I have experience someone listening to me at this level.

And it was some of the most empowering moments of my life.

Over-predicting the Future

Last night my wife and I were spending some time with a couple of older couples in their 40's and 50's.

They had some pretty amazing stories.

One couple in particular had their lives changed when they "coincidentally" met this realtor about 30 years ago.

The realtor had a huge impact on their lives, because she not only helped them find a house, she also helped them get a house that was bigger than they expected, told them unique ways they could afford it, including opening and in home daycare, and also gave them other advice that has dramatically altered the course of their lives. From what I could tell, it is possible that a portion of the wealth they currently have could almost directly be tied to the brief influence of this realtor.

And I kept thinking about how I try to over-plan out my future.

Instead of living in the moment and trusting the provision that is there, knowing each moment has resource, and I may not always even be aware of how much that resource may alter the future decisions I make and impact that my life will have.

May we all be fully present. Fully expectant of the miraculous in every moment. Even when the miraculous doesn't come to fruition until decades down the road.

Understanding others

B. Joseph Pine II, in "The Experience Economy" wrote, "The experience of being understood, versus interpreted, is so compelling, you can charge admission."

This quote caused me to wonder how attune I am to truly understanding others and where they are coming from. Is my ability to do that trumping my interpretation of someone?


Or am I assuming my interpretation is right?


My hope is that I let people be who they are, and not impose my "camera angle" of reality on them.


As I am writing this, I am discovering that there are people, even in the past week, that I have been interpreting rather than understanding. 


And with that knowledge, I have the ability to now choose another path.

What do you do for a living

What do you do for a living?

One could easily respond to this question with what is on your business card.

Or one could answer with what you actually do.

The things you get paid for, do for free, and anything in between.

Oftentimes the title on our business card is not that exciting.

Yet for many of us, what we actually do is pretty awesome.

Tell people what you do.

Oh Failure

The one thing we fear the most, is often the thing we must embrace if we want to make a difference.

I am not sure what it is about failure that sends my mind spinning at times; yet at other times I embrace it with reckless abandon...aware of the importance of it on the road to having a meaningful life. 


The other day I was doing some public speaking.


I was planning to speak about 30 minutes. 


I ended up reworking my speech about 45 minutes before I was going to speak. Not sure I would recommend this, but it needed to be done.


Then, as I was walking up to speak, I was still figuring out my intro (since I had been reworking it in my head yet not come to a conclusion as to what I was going to say...)


I was scared to death. 


50-60 people were expecting me to say something inspiring for 30 minutes and I couldn't figure out the first 30 seconds. 


I wanted to bail.


But I refused. I knew I had to step into this moment.


So I ended up nailing the intro. 


Then, about 5-7 minutes into the speech, I lost where I was and where I was going. I look out and see all these people looking at me and in my head I am like, "All of these people are looking at me, I know I have something to say...it's just not coming out..."


At that moment, I decided I was going to keep going. I took some large internal breaths and I decided I was going to connect the audience at all costs. I let go of my need to be confident or whatever was going on inside, and I just kept going. I looked over my notes, picked a point I knew was strong, and went for it.


I spit in the face of my fears. It felt like I had knocked out the bully on the jr high playground. 


I decided. That they. Were more important. Than me.


The best way to overcome your fear of failure is to put someone else above yourself. 


Because in that moment, you realize that in order to connect to them (if you really want to), you are going to have to fail along the way.


But when they see that you are willing to do whatever it takes to connect to them,


It will move them. 

Listening to our Internal Conversation

We all have an internal conversations. Thoughts that are happening inside of our heads continually.

Sometimes those thoughts are incredibly resourceful.

Other times they are terribly inhibiting.

Are you able to discern the difference between a thought that moves you forward into an unprecedented future and what is holding you back?

When you discover a limiting thought, what do you do with it?

Time Management: Planning your day

I am an entrepreneur.

And there are times I am planning out my day, and I look, and I have a lot of free time.

And I would love to have that free time be incredibly productive and fuel the dreams I have for my business.

I came across this question recently, and am implementing it starting today, when planning my day: "What would it take for me to play at a level 10 today?" --- What will it take for me to be at my best? What things am I resisting, that, if I would do them, would take my impact to the next level?

Go.

Listen to your Instincts

I spoke publicly today.

And it went pretty well.

However, when I got the conclusion, I realized that I didn't have as strong of a conclusion as I had thought. As I was was going into my conclusion, I had an idea to tell a story from my life that happened recently. However, I wasn't sure if the story would tie in.

Yet I had this instinct that I should tell the story and figure out the tie in as I told the story.

However, I did not listen to that instinct. Purely out of fear. Fear that I would get done with the story and not have a way to tie it in.

After I was finished, I was talking with some friends and I told them the story. And they said it fit perfectly and would have been a perfect concluding story.

Next time I am going to follow my instinct.

Just to spite my fears.

Belief Systems

I have been thinking a lot about belief systems lately.

I look at a belief system as a an already established cache of truisms. It is the set of precepts from which you live your daily life. It governs your thoughts, words, and actions. Your belief system is how you think the world should be or the world should not be.

I believe that belief systems exist to provide us with a place where we can find safety and comfort. I am not saying that they keep us safe. This is a very important distinction. For example, we may have a belief system that states that a major part of success is taking risks. Risks are not inherently “safe.” However, we can find safety and comfort in our belief system because we know that taking healthy risks will lead us to success.

So, basically, we all see the world in a particular way. That particular way is simply a part of who we are. Some of it we were likely born with and some of it was likely formed as we grew up and is still being formed. 

Now, what do we do when aspects of our belief system are holding us back from the life we want. For example, if someone believes that people are going to abandon them, they may then not get close to people for fear of being abandoned. However, this person may want to be close to others, yet is afraid of being abandoned. In order to get close to people, this person will then have to shift his/her belief system in order to be able to connect to others.

In this way, we must recognize where our belief systems are resourceful and when they are limiting. When they are limiting, we can then investigate them and then shift them to line up with our life vision so that they can encourage the life we say we want.

Belief Systems, Vision, and the Future

I had an amazing conversation with a friend recently about the connection between one's belief system and one's vision for the future.

A belief system is simply a set of beliefs each person has about oneself and the surrounding world. One's belief system started developing at a young age and continues to develop throughout one's lifetime.

A vision for the future is simply the life one says that one wants the future to look like. At its best, a vision for the future is something that brings great excitement to the person with the vision.

Oftentimes, the vision I say I have for my future is not yet in alignment with what is currently happening.

And I believe this has a lot to do with my belief system, even if tt may not be clear which part of my belief system is affecting the present future.

There are times when our belief system enables/encourages/facilitates our vision for the future and there are other times our belief system hinders/disables/discourages our future.

For example, if one's vision for the future were to have a very disciplined life, yet at the same time believed that one wasn't wired to be disciplined, the vision is unlikely to come about...

Unless the belief system could shift.

I believe one's belief system shifts the moment an impossible future is embraced and committed to.

So, if one has a vision of being disciplined, then the belief system conversation must shift. It must shift from "I am unable/unwilling to be disciplined." to "Not only could I be disciplined, I am committing to it."

It depends how passionate your vision for the future is. Along with "why" you have that vision for the future.

What are some components of your vision for the future?
Why do you have those components?
What if, in 3 months, all of those components could happen? 6 months? 1 year?
How would you feel?

Notice when your Belief System is enabling your future and when it is hindering it.

What causes happiness?

I was watching Mad Men the other day and the lead character mentioned that the key to advertising is happiness.

That really caused my mind to wonder.

In general, "What is happiness."

Is it different for every person? Or are there some human commonalities?

And then I started to think, "What makes me happy?"

What components exist in the life of someone who is truly happy?

My current title is "Human Connection Consultant." I have chosen this title because I believe one of the commonalities we all share in life is that we would have happiness if we felt like our connection with other people was at its optimal level. Those people could be spouses, friends, kids, parents, coworkers, bosses, and even strangers. We would all love to be connected at a high level and if we had an unprecedented level of connection, that would cause a great deal of happiness.

Think right now about the things causing stress right now in your life. My guess is that one of the top 3 things causing stress in your life deals with human connection.

Imagine a future where those stressors dealing with human connection were reconciled and you lived a live that was fully authentic and fully connected to those around you. And with some of those relationships, you went beyond reconciliation and those relationships not only went well, but they thrived.

Would that bring you happiness? Joy? Excitement? Vigor?

How would that affect what you think is possible in the future?

Born to Run Entry 1

"The reason we race isn't so much to beat each other, it is to be with each other."

I read this quote in the book "Born to Run."

In a book filled with intrique, it was one of the most thought provoking moments for me.

The book tells many stories of how competitive running can be, and yet at the end of the day many of the runners spoken of in the book run more to be with each other than to beat each other (although they love to win, of course).

And then I thought about life. I wondered about how often I get consumed with beating someone else rather than being with them.

I decided there needed to be at least a couple of conversations this week where I confess to someone that I have let something trump my desire to truly be with someone - to connecting fully with them.

Who could you talk to this week and make a commitment to have "being with them" trump all else?

Don't let yourself let yourself down

Yesterday I wrote about not letting others let you down.

And then as I thought about that throughout my day, I thought about how if we continually let others let us down, meaning we don't truly fight for them, and fight for the best in them...

It is correlative to how we at times let ourselves let ourselves down.

We don't fight for ourselves.

Our best selves.

What would it look like for you to fight for yourself today?

Don't let others let you down

In our quest as humans to connect with others, at times we run into obstacles.

And I am sure that people run into roadblocks when they attempt to connect with me.

Life is so much about what we do with these obstacles.

Do we simply give up on others when barriers surface?

Or do we forge ahead, committed to connecting to them at all costs?

A good friend, Sarah Grieb, said to me one time, "Don't let others let you down, fight for them."

Fight for them, no matter what it takes. Let them know you are committed to connecting with them, and you are willing to breakthrough any barriers that might show up.


Imagine the feeling of someone refusing to let you let them down.

Vision and Discipline

I had struggled with discipline for almost the first 29 years of my life.

There were times in there that I was discipline, but I was in no way considered a "disciplined" person.

My desk, room, bathroom, car, life, bags, laptop bag, book bag, etc...all were very undisciplined in the fact that they were unorganized and at times messy.

And the thing that frustrated me the most was that my life was not "on point." I was not clear what I was up to each day.

Up until then, if someone would have asked me what my mission and vision statements were for my life, I would have been able to say a few things, but honestly, not with clarity, excitement, and commitment.

I realized that when my life intent is not clear and compelling. When it is not something I look at and get ecstatic about, well, then my discipline in life is lacking.

And the result of my life being clear and compelling is a number of the following things have shown up in my life in the past 2 months:

• My desk, dresser, and room have been clean nearly every night before I went to bed.
• I have blogged and average of 6 days a week.
• I have journaled 15 minutes a day, 6 days a week.
• I have planned out each day the night before.
• I have taken numerous risks that were in line with my vision.
• A handful of other disciplines.

None of these things were present until I was clear about what I was committed to and ecstatic thinking about having it happen.

If you are struggling with discipline, ask yourself, "What would it take for my mission and vision to be clear and compelling, to the point where my discipline would naturally follow?"

Have it happen

One is either committed to having it happen, or one is committed to complaining as to why it cannot happen.

"It" being the life they long to live.

Looking back on my life, I realize that at the most frustrating moments my focus was on complaining why I couldn't do it

• Make the team
• Finish the project on time
• Connect with others in unprecedented ways
• Be successful in what I was currently working on
• Etc.

...over simply committing to have it happen.

I notice that when I decide that something is going to happen (lose weight, start my own business and thrive, write a poem a week, journal everyday, have my desk be clean every night, etc.)...

My mind shifts into a new world.

My mind begins to be creatively find ways to make it happen.

One thought that someone shared with methat has helped me approach life in a new way: whenever I catch myself saying I can't do something, I ask myself, if someone would give me $10,000 if I would... (have my desk clean each night, work out 30 minutes each day, or read 20 minutes each day, etc.), could I do it?

And the answer is typically "yes."

So it is less about whether or not you can physically make it happen and more about how committed you are to having it happen.

I imagine your favorite people in the world aren't those who complain the most.

The kindle and progress

I recently purchased a kindle. I know I am a bit behind the curve on owning this amazing technology.


I wasn't sure if I would like not actually holding a physical book and being able to underline and physically write notes on the pages of the book...


I was definitely wrong about myself.


Sometimes we have to take risks, even small ones ($100 is obviously not a huge risk), to find ourselves. And at times we find out we were wrong about ourselves. Which, in this case and in many others, is full of excitement and has the potential to really broaden our horizons and possibilities for our lives.


My favorite thing about the kindle is the % progress in the bottom right hand corner. 


I rarely fall asleep reading. Rarely. 


And then last night, I kept going for 1% more, and then once I got there, I thought, how about 1% more? And I kept going until I was afraid I would fall asleep and drop my new friend, er, kindle, and it would break. So I set it down, effortlessly slipping from the book into my dreams.


I know where I am going. I am going to see the bottom right hand corner say 100%. I am so excited about the possibility of getting there that I keep pushing and stretching myself.


This is why the kindle has been so successful. It is so much like life. 


If we are clear on what our 100% is. 


If our vision is compelling and crystal clear, we will continually find ways to make it happen, no matter what it takes, at all costs.


The 100% may be big (lifetime achievement stuff)? And it may also be small - something today or even in your next conversation.


It's about having it happen rather than figuring it out.


By the way, I'm currently at 8% reading "Born to Run."

I hope you are smarter

Today, as I was reading a book while out on a beautiful walk, I had this thought about writing...

I believe that those who write should write in such a way that their writing facilitates the reader becoming smarter than the author.

I know this may seem somewhat ridiculous, considering how knowledgeable an author is about his/her subject matter.

Yet I don't think it is out of the question.

Often times when I am reading content, it is new to me. And so I have a different experience when I am reading it than the author had when writing it. Assuming that when the final draft comes out, the information is no longer new to the author.

And that unique experience that happens when interacting with the information can cause the reader to do a number of different things such as

• inspire them to read more on the subject matter
• pull the information together from different angles to get an advanced meaning from it
• pull together information from the current book with other knowledge and experience from the readers life and draw further conclusions that may be more advanced than the original author
• spark unprecedented ideas in the readers mind
• etc.

I am not sure where all of this leaves us as writers. Yet I know I would be honored if my writing in any way inspired a reader to excel in any area of life, hopefully to the point that it far surpasses where I am currently at with the content (if they have not already surpassed me prior to reading what I have to say).

Isn't that what life is all about? 

Inspiring people to be great, no matter who gets the credit.

Subvert your default

Life presents us with a variety of occurrences and events.


And then we are given the opportunity to respond to those events and even create occurrences of our own.


And when life offers us, well, day to day happenings, such as

• We take a risk and it doesn't turn out as we hoped
• We offend someone (and become aware of it after the fact)
• Our boss treats us a certain way
• There is miscommunication between friends
• Our day doesn't turn out the way we had hoped
• We receive an email that is hurtful
• Traffic
• Etc, you get the idea...

When life offers us these events, there is often a response that is what I (and others) refer to as a default response. It is the response that comes to mind first or takes precedence over other possible options.

There is just one problem with this. The default response doesn't always get us towards the vision we have for our future. At times, if we choose that default response, it will be devastating for the life we say we want. 

And so we can choose the default response. Or we can choose to creatively subvert the default. We can choose to notice where it will get us, and if it pulls us from our vision, we can choose a different response - one that is in line with the vision we say we have for our life.

And if we are committed to that vision, we will get creative. We will not be run by our default response. We will intently choose our response. And sometimes the subversive response that we choose will miss the mark as well. And we will notice, and continue to choose other creative responses until we land the one that fully enables our vision.

If you are run by your default response, it causes me to wonder if your vision is really what you say it is. Don't fool yourself. If your impact is not in line with the vision you say you want, then it is not truly your vision...yet...up until now on.

But you can choose a different future. From now on, you can choose to live in line with your vision.

If the impact is in line with your vision, you are hitting it. If it's not, you missed it. Simple as that. Then you have the chance to go again. And again. And again. Until your desired impact lands with those around you. 

Choose to subvert your default (when necessary).

A time to listen

At times in life it is good to simply listen.

To take in the perspectives of those around you.

As you can perhaps guess, I am in a brief season of that right now.

It is such a refreshing experience.

To simply listen and really take it all in.

Holding Back

In life, I get this sense that so many of us are holding back.

This could be in our relationships, our jobs, our passions, our risks, etc.

And then, I imagine that the areas in which we are frustrated in life are the areas where we finding ourselves holding back.

I'm not sure what is coming up for you when I bring this up, but I believe something would come to mind if you asked yourself, "Where am I holding back right now?"

And then further, ask yourself, "Why am I holding back?"

My guess is that you feel you deserve better, or you have tried and failed, or you feel like you have given everything in that area...but if you had there wouldn't be any doubt.

Maybe if you were all in, fully committed, you would have what you want in that arena, you would be committed and succeed, and you would know that you had given everything, at all costs, to see your vision happen.

I suppose you could just keep holding back.

A gift overlooked

Oh how I love feedback.

Honesty, constructive criticism, you name it. It is feedback.

The world has the wonderful ability to gift us with feedback at nearly every moment of everyday.

Sometimes people tell us, other times we simply observe.

I am of the belief that what you do with that feedback greatly influences your future.

You can explain it away as if other people and the world don't know what they are talking about and that of course the whole world should revolve around.

Or you can be curious about the gift of feedback that others and the world are offering you. Realize it is just that, feedback. Discover where your life is in line with your vision and areas that you can commit to shift in - to bring about different results.

The world. Other people. Your internal thoughts.

All gifts.

How would your future become instantly full of possibility if you were simply curious about them?

The times we think we fail

It has been quite a weekend for me.

I took a fairly substantial risk.

And things didn't turn out as well as I had hoped.

At times this feels like a failure.

As I have been journaling about the weekend, my mind goes over the event numerous times as I consider everything that happened.

What went well.

What went something other than well.

And my mind goes where it will.

Yet I have the choice of whether or not to cause it to be submissive to my vision.

If I believe I am a failure, I am pulled away from my vision.

If I learn from the event, know that risking well is a success, and press on, I am drawn toward my vision.

Staying In It

What if you focused on the impact you are having in the lives of other people.

Instead of
Worrying about your confidence
Judging their clothes
Comparing yourself to them
Interpreting what they are saying (without seeking clarity)
Holding onto bitterness
Wondering so much about what they think of you
Etc.

The focus is everything. Focus on showing up for others with everything you have.

You may find yourself in the process.

Poem: Scripting Uncertainty

Life is visceral

Well at least I hope it is

Standing at the crossroads of the life I long for

And the one I'm leaving behind

Not a place to be for someone with a weak stomach

Looking out at the horizon, full of hope, fears, and everything in between

Looking back, wondering how I arrived here

Imagining what it is going to take for me to leap

I realize this is all part of the journey

A fulfilled life is inconsistent with cowardice

Nobody gets a free pass

The reward cannot be gained without the risk

You see, it is when you risk that you truly find yourself

Beyond all the ways you can script the predictable

And lay it all out as if you are unstoppable

Yet you know deep down inside the only one stopping you

Is you

And the only way to become unstoppable

Is to start quitting

Quit giving up on yourself

Quit letting fear have its way

Quit worrying about the worst case scenario

Quit holding out on the world around you

And start realizing its not about you

Its about connecting to them. Him. Her. 

You can't script others the way you do yourself.

Start living for them. Finding yourself in them. Fighting for them.

Unpredictable them.

How do you script uncertainty?

You don't. You show up. 

Impact is everything (nearly)

Is your life having the impact you'd say you want?

If not, what are some new things you could commit to doing that would enable you to achieve your vision?

If you don't shift something, your impact is not going to change.

If you are not having the impact you say you'd want, do anything else.

(We need you to fight for that impact)

Imagining a new future

I hear this quite a bit in my coaching, "I don't know what else to do, I have tried everything."

I, personally, love hearing this phrase.

Typically because there is a bit of a desperation, a longing, a hope that has yet to be realized.

I wouldn't have "tried everything" if I wasn't hoping for a particular outcome.

Yet, when I hear that phrase, I know a turning point is coming. I know that when I hear that phrase that the client wants a result they don't yet have. (and are starting to believe is not possible)

The turning point hinges on whether or not they are going to go all in and get committed to their desired outcome or continue blaming circumstances as to why their life can't be the way they want it.

This turning point is huge.

It is the difference between having a future that is a cyclical version of the past where nothing ever works out the way I want it to...

and...

A future where I get committed at all costs to having my life turn out the way I intend for it to.

The future I am committed will not come about without

Imagination
Creativity
Risk
Mystery
Uncertainty
Forgiveness

It just depends on what future you want. For me, the above list sure beats the alternative

Predictability
Monotony
Bitterness
Victim Mentality
Certainty

You get the picture.

A humbling question

What are you not committed to, only because you believe it cannot be done?

This question, taken from Tracy Goss' book The Last Word on Power, is one of the most sobering of questions that I have come across.

It sets my mind free to dream as if I were given a new porsche to drive along the canyon roads near my house.

I drive and at almost every corner I come go around, I feel the tires grip the road and my mind grips idea upon idea. I discover and rediscover things that I have left undone because I was afraid it could not be done.

And once in a while, fear sets in. The rain sets in, and the porsche slides around a corner as I take my eyes of the road, seemingly looking; hoping for more clarity; secretly hoping for a "secure" path where I will get to do what I love and make a lot of money and be successful without having to take any risks.

As I keep looking for something that doesn't exist, the heaviness of heart is felt. It is visceral. My porsche slides off the road and stops just before tumbling over the canyon.

I keep thinking, where does this courage come from? To take on the risks that lie ahead, knowing that failure is guaranteed and that success is the miracle we all long for.

I haven't found it yet. But I will.

The only way not to find it is to get out of the car and walk away.

The sound of a porsche engine turning over never sounded so good.

All about the journey

I know, I know. Such a cliche saying.

"It's all about the journey."

I was thinking about this idea when I was out on a walk today.

And what if it is about the journey, not the destination.

But the destination matters. The impact your life has matters.

So one can't depart from the destination completely.

It's this blend between having a clear idea of the destination and understanding it is all about the journey in the sense of knowing what transformation must take place within you in order for your vision to come to fruition.

What if the destination is less a place you are going and more the place you find yourself when you make the choices in line with the vision you say you have for your life?

It is all about doing whatever it takes, at all costs, to achieve your vision.

It is in the journey that you find out if you are willing to do whatever it takes.

The courage to suffer

"There is no need to be ashamed of tears, for tears bear witness that a man has the greatest of courage, the courage to suffer.” Victor Frankl

I love this quote.

I also happen to be a man who is an emotional guy.

I love how Frankl says that tears reveal the courage to suffer.

Life has thrown a lot at each of us and will continue to do so.

At times, working through all of this, past, present, and future, it will draw out of us emotion.

Not emotion just to get sympathy.

Emotion where we realize, pushing through this is going to take everything I have inside of me.

10 years ago

I had the thought today of what it would be like to go back 10 years ago and see my life as it was then.

The thought really got me thinking (imagine that).

I kept thinking about where I was at that point and then what all has happened in the past 10 years.

When I was 19, I was living in Omaha, NE and attending Creighton University studying meteorology and in Air Force ROTC intending to become a fighter pilot.

Since then, all of this has happened

• Switched majors 3 times
• Left Creighton and attended 2 other universities as well as took classes at 2 community colleges
• Proposed in Paris and she said yes
• Got married to an amazing woman named Sarah :)
• Was blessed with 5 amazing nieces/nephews: Jacob, Gracie, Caleb, Renee, and Faith
• My brother got married to the amazing Camille
• My sister got married to the amazing Daniel
• My parents moved to Ohio
• I moved from Omaha to Colorado Springs to Dayton to Omaha to Dayton to Los Angeles to Berkeley.
• I have slept in well over 50 locations (wish I actually kept track)
• I was jumped/robbed while in Berkeley
• Went through 2 seasons of mild depression
• Traveled to Zambia (stopping in London on the way home)
• Traveled to South Sudan (stopping in Frankfurt on the way there and Oxford and Paris on the way home)
• Completed my master's degrees in theology and global leadership
• Chose the career of being a Transformational Life Coach
• Made new friends, yet said goodbye to so many other great friends
• The list goes on...

When is the last time you thought about how much life has changed in the past decade?

Oftentimes forgiveness

When you are in a conversation that is frustrating or not going the way you would like it to go, I have found asking for forgiveness to be incredibly resourceful in the pursuit to connect with others.

When all else seems to fail, take a risk and ask for forgiveness,

for getting defensive,

for not being curious,

for being caught up in your judgments of the other person,

for neglecting your commitment to connect, 

for messing up,

for missing it,

for whatever your conscience and heart are revealing you.

And commit to connecting in the midst of it all.

You will know if you hit the mark. There will be no doubt.

The measure

I have come to believe that one of the most accurate measures of a person's character is how they respond when they are confronted, rebuked, challenged, contradicted, attacked, etc.

If the response is curiosity that pursues a clarity, it indicates one thing...

If the response is defensiveness, it indicates another...

Next time you are confronted, imagine if 1% of what the other person is saying has some truth in it about the impact you have on others.

Assuming you are curious about someone other than yourself.

The maps we create for others

I wonder how many more years until the people who are being born will have no knowledge whatsoever of what a map is. Or maybe we have already arrived there.

When I moved to LA in 2006, I purchased a Thomas Guide. I wonder if anyone even uses them anymore.

I digress.

Yet, one lens to look at the world is through the maps that we form in our mind, if you will.

For example, when I meet someone new, I have a first impression. A map begins to form in my mind of what I think about that person.

Then, if I continue to talk to them, the map changes shape as our conversations explore new territory yet discovered between the two of us.

And so we have a map of that person. This map includes assessments, judgements, interpretations, etc. of that person as seen from our perspective.

This can be resourceful - providing a foundation for exploring further...

It can also be incredibly crippling.

I confess that at times I have created a map in my mind of people and then held them in that map, choosing not to explore new territories of who that person could be.

Instead of seeing them with fresh eyes each day and being excited about possibility, I have at times put people in boxes, with thoughts such as, "that person is weird, makes stupid choices, will never change, etc."...

And then completely closed down the possibility of connecting with that person in a new way. Affecting both myself and the other person involved (and potentially the lives of everyone we ever interact with in the future. ever.)

And I am tired of doing this.

I am committing to exploring.

This does not mean scrapping the map. As mentioned, it is a foundation for exploring.

I am committing to look at the map with new eyes, and to expand the map and add detail through journeying into new conversations, interrupting my judgements, being curious, and connecting at new levels with people.

One approach keeps me in bondage.

The other, freedom.

Scribbling

Guy Garvey wrote,
"Just start scribbling. The first draft is never your last draft. Nothing you write is by accident."

Nothing you write is by accident.

Nothing.

I don't know about you, but this is incredibly inspiring to me.

To know that my writing is not an accident.

The first draft simply gets me closer to the final draft.

I wonder which draft would be considered the most innovative.

If I were to guess, I would say the first draft is probably the most innovative. It is where you begin to develop the idea and put it down on paper.

The subsequent drafts are hard work, yet often they are the refinement of the way in which the content is delivered.

My encouragement is to go write, knowing it is on purpose.

Self Occurrence?

I heard a question the other day, and it really got me thinking.

"How do you occur to yourself."

I wonder what it would like to be someone other than myself for a day and then experience myself.

I wonder what I would think?

Is there a way to truly get this perspective from others in our lives?

How would you say is the best way to get a 360 degree occurrence of oneself?

Judgements/Assessments/Interpretations

Judgements, Assessments, Interpretations.

As humans we are meaning making machines. Events occur all around us and our mind must make meaning of what all is going on.

Makes sense to me.

However, I'm not always excited about my judgements.

My judgements can cause me to be incredibly frustrated, think negative thoughts about others, believe that  my world is the only one that matters (of course), etc.

So then what?

This then provides a great opportunity for me to judge my own judgments. Interpret my interpretations. Assess my assessments. Get curious about where my judgements are getting me. Either they are getting me towards my visions or further away from it. It is worth looking into.

Another way of seeing it is: Either I "have" my judgements or they "have" me.

If my judgements "have" me, in my experience this is a victim conversation where I am just the result of whatever judgements show up for me and I respond however they tell me to. And thus I am dependent on something external to determine my fate, if you will.

If I "have" my judgements, I then choose to get curious about the judgements. I inquire regarding my internal conversation. I assess where those judgements and interpretations of reality are getting me.

Closer to my vision or further away.

Even writing about all this makes me want to make sure my vision is crystal clear and that I am "having" my judgements and having them submit to the vision I have for my life.

What is true for them

I am no stranger to conflict.

I read something the other day that discussed conflict. And it said that often times in conflict, we are so focused on ourselves and the point we are trying to make...

Rather than engaging what is true for the other person.

Now I wish I could say I always engage what is true for the other person all the time.

Yet I miss it at times.

My commitment is that, in the midst of conflict or any other conversation, I would engage what is true for the other person.

And when I miss it, when I get overly focused on what I think and the point I want to make, I will ask forgiveness and recommit to that person to engage and be curious about what is true for them.