What do you do for a living

What do you do for a living?

One could easily respond to this question with what is on your business card.

Or one could answer with what you actually do.

The things you get paid for, do for free, and anything in between.

Oftentimes the title on our business card is not that exciting.

Yet for many of us, what we actually do is pretty awesome.

Tell people what you do.

Oh Failure

The one thing we fear the most, is often the thing we must embrace if we want to make a difference.

I am not sure what it is about failure that sends my mind spinning at times; yet at other times I embrace it with reckless abandon...aware of the importance of it on the road to having a meaningful life. 


The other day I was doing some public speaking.


I was planning to speak about 30 minutes. 


I ended up reworking my speech about 45 minutes before I was going to speak. Not sure I would recommend this, but it needed to be done.


Then, as I was walking up to speak, I was still figuring out my intro (since I had been reworking it in my head yet not come to a conclusion as to what I was going to say...)


I was scared to death. 


50-60 people were expecting me to say something inspiring for 30 minutes and I couldn't figure out the first 30 seconds. 


I wanted to bail.


But I refused. I knew I had to step into this moment.


So I ended up nailing the intro. 


Then, about 5-7 minutes into the speech, I lost where I was and where I was going. I look out and see all these people looking at me and in my head I am like, "All of these people are looking at me, I know I have something to say...it's just not coming out..."


At that moment, I decided I was going to keep going. I took some large internal breaths and I decided I was going to connect the audience at all costs. I let go of my need to be confident or whatever was going on inside, and I just kept going. I looked over my notes, picked a point I knew was strong, and went for it.


I spit in the face of my fears. It felt like I had knocked out the bully on the jr high playground. 


I decided. That they. Were more important. Than me.


The best way to overcome your fear of failure is to put someone else above yourself. 


Because in that moment, you realize that in order to connect to them (if you really want to), you are going to have to fail along the way.


But when they see that you are willing to do whatever it takes to connect to them,


It will move them. 

Listening to our Internal Conversation

We all have an internal conversations. Thoughts that are happening inside of our heads continually.

Sometimes those thoughts are incredibly resourceful.

Other times they are terribly inhibiting.

Are you able to discern the difference between a thought that moves you forward into an unprecedented future and what is holding you back?

When you discover a limiting thought, what do you do with it?

Time Management: Planning your day

I am an entrepreneur.

And there are times I am planning out my day, and I look, and I have a lot of free time.

And I would love to have that free time be incredibly productive and fuel the dreams I have for my business.

I came across this question recently, and am implementing it starting today, when planning my day: "What would it take for me to play at a level 10 today?" --- What will it take for me to be at my best? What things am I resisting, that, if I would do them, would take my impact to the next level?

Go.

Listen to your Instincts

I spoke publicly today.

And it went pretty well.

However, when I got the conclusion, I realized that I didn't have as strong of a conclusion as I had thought. As I was was going into my conclusion, I had an idea to tell a story from my life that happened recently. However, I wasn't sure if the story would tie in.

Yet I had this instinct that I should tell the story and figure out the tie in as I told the story.

However, I did not listen to that instinct. Purely out of fear. Fear that I would get done with the story and not have a way to tie it in.

After I was finished, I was talking with some friends and I told them the story. And they said it fit perfectly and would have been a perfect concluding story.

Next time I am going to follow my instinct.

Just to spite my fears.

Belief Systems

I have been thinking a lot about belief systems lately.

I look at a belief system as a an already established cache of truisms. It is the set of precepts from which you live your daily life. It governs your thoughts, words, and actions. Your belief system is how you think the world should be or the world should not be.

I believe that belief systems exist to provide us with a place where we can find safety and comfort. I am not saying that they keep us safe. This is a very important distinction. For example, we may have a belief system that states that a major part of success is taking risks. Risks are not inherently “safe.” However, we can find safety and comfort in our belief system because we know that taking healthy risks will lead us to success.

So, basically, we all see the world in a particular way. That particular way is simply a part of who we are. Some of it we were likely born with and some of it was likely formed as we grew up and is still being formed. 

Now, what do we do when aspects of our belief system are holding us back from the life we want. For example, if someone believes that people are going to abandon them, they may then not get close to people for fear of being abandoned. However, this person may want to be close to others, yet is afraid of being abandoned. In order to get close to people, this person will then have to shift his/her belief system in order to be able to connect to others.

In this way, we must recognize where our belief systems are resourceful and when they are limiting. When they are limiting, we can then investigate them and then shift them to line up with our life vision so that they can encourage the life we say we want.

Belief Systems, Vision, and the Future

I had an amazing conversation with a friend recently about the connection between one's belief system and one's vision for the future.

A belief system is simply a set of beliefs each person has about oneself and the surrounding world. One's belief system started developing at a young age and continues to develop throughout one's lifetime.

A vision for the future is simply the life one says that one wants the future to look like. At its best, a vision for the future is something that brings great excitement to the person with the vision.

Oftentimes, the vision I say I have for my future is not yet in alignment with what is currently happening.

And I believe this has a lot to do with my belief system, even if tt may not be clear which part of my belief system is affecting the present future.

There are times when our belief system enables/encourages/facilitates our vision for the future and there are other times our belief system hinders/disables/discourages our future.

For example, if one's vision for the future were to have a very disciplined life, yet at the same time believed that one wasn't wired to be disciplined, the vision is unlikely to come about...

Unless the belief system could shift.

I believe one's belief system shifts the moment an impossible future is embraced and committed to.

So, if one has a vision of being disciplined, then the belief system conversation must shift. It must shift from "I am unable/unwilling to be disciplined." to "Not only could I be disciplined, I am committing to it."

It depends how passionate your vision for the future is. Along with "why" you have that vision for the future.

What are some components of your vision for the future?
Why do you have those components?
What if, in 3 months, all of those components could happen? 6 months? 1 year?
How would you feel?

Notice when your Belief System is enabling your future and when it is hindering it.

What causes happiness?

I was watching Mad Men the other day and the lead character mentioned that the key to advertising is happiness.

That really caused my mind to wonder.

In general, "What is happiness."

Is it different for every person? Or are there some human commonalities?

And then I started to think, "What makes me happy?"

What components exist in the life of someone who is truly happy?

My current title is "Human Connection Consultant." I have chosen this title because I believe one of the commonalities we all share in life is that we would have happiness if we felt like our connection with other people was at its optimal level. Those people could be spouses, friends, kids, parents, coworkers, bosses, and even strangers. We would all love to be connected at a high level and if we had an unprecedented level of connection, that would cause a great deal of happiness.

Think right now about the things causing stress right now in your life. My guess is that one of the top 3 things causing stress in your life deals with human connection.

Imagine a future where those stressors dealing with human connection were reconciled and you lived a live that was fully authentic and fully connected to those around you. And with some of those relationships, you went beyond reconciliation and those relationships not only went well, but they thrived.

Would that bring you happiness? Joy? Excitement? Vigor?

How would that affect what you think is possible in the future?

Born to Run Entry 1

"The reason we race isn't so much to beat each other, it is to be with each other."

I read this quote in the book "Born to Run."

In a book filled with intrique, it was one of the most thought provoking moments for me.

The book tells many stories of how competitive running can be, and yet at the end of the day many of the runners spoken of in the book run more to be with each other than to beat each other (although they love to win, of course).

And then I thought about life. I wondered about how often I get consumed with beating someone else rather than being with them.

I decided there needed to be at least a couple of conversations this week where I confess to someone that I have let something trump my desire to truly be with someone - to connecting fully with them.

Who could you talk to this week and make a commitment to have "being with them" trump all else?

Don't let yourself let yourself down

Yesterday I wrote about not letting others let you down.

And then as I thought about that throughout my day, I thought about how if we continually let others let us down, meaning we don't truly fight for them, and fight for the best in them...

It is correlative to how we at times let ourselves let ourselves down.

We don't fight for ourselves.

Our best selves.

What would it look like for you to fight for yourself today?

Don't let others let you down

In our quest as humans to connect with others, at times we run into obstacles.

And I am sure that people run into roadblocks when they attempt to connect with me.

Life is so much about what we do with these obstacles.

Do we simply give up on others when barriers surface?

Or do we forge ahead, committed to connecting to them at all costs?

A good friend, Sarah Grieb, said to me one time, "Don't let others let you down, fight for them."

Fight for them, no matter what it takes. Let them know you are committed to connecting with them, and you are willing to breakthrough any barriers that might show up.


Imagine the feeling of someone refusing to let you let them down.

Vision and Discipline

I had struggled with discipline for almost the first 29 years of my life.

There were times in there that I was discipline, but I was in no way considered a "disciplined" person.

My desk, room, bathroom, car, life, bags, laptop bag, book bag, etc...all were very undisciplined in the fact that they were unorganized and at times messy.

And the thing that frustrated me the most was that my life was not "on point." I was not clear what I was up to each day.

Up until then, if someone would have asked me what my mission and vision statements were for my life, I would have been able to say a few things, but honestly, not with clarity, excitement, and commitment.

I realized that when my life intent is not clear and compelling. When it is not something I look at and get ecstatic about, well, then my discipline in life is lacking.

And the result of my life being clear and compelling is a number of the following things have shown up in my life in the past 2 months:

• My desk, dresser, and room have been clean nearly every night before I went to bed.
• I have blogged and average of 6 days a week.
• I have journaled 15 minutes a day, 6 days a week.
• I have planned out each day the night before.
• I have taken numerous risks that were in line with my vision.
• A handful of other disciplines.

None of these things were present until I was clear about what I was committed to and ecstatic thinking about having it happen.

If you are struggling with discipline, ask yourself, "What would it take for my mission and vision to be clear and compelling, to the point where my discipline would naturally follow?"

Have it happen

One is either committed to having it happen, or one is committed to complaining as to why it cannot happen.

"It" being the life they long to live.

Looking back on my life, I realize that at the most frustrating moments my focus was on complaining why I couldn't do it

• Make the team
• Finish the project on time
• Connect with others in unprecedented ways
• Be successful in what I was currently working on
• Etc.

...over simply committing to have it happen.

I notice that when I decide that something is going to happen (lose weight, start my own business and thrive, write a poem a week, journal everyday, have my desk be clean every night, etc.)...

My mind shifts into a new world.

My mind begins to be creatively find ways to make it happen.

One thought that someone shared with methat has helped me approach life in a new way: whenever I catch myself saying I can't do something, I ask myself, if someone would give me $10,000 if I would... (have my desk clean each night, work out 30 minutes each day, or read 20 minutes each day, etc.), could I do it?

And the answer is typically "yes."

So it is less about whether or not you can physically make it happen and more about how committed you are to having it happen.

I imagine your favorite people in the world aren't those who complain the most.

The kindle and progress

I recently purchased a kindle. I know I am a bit behind the curve on owning this amazing technology.


I wasn't sure if I would like not actually holding a physical book and being able to underline and physically write notes on the pages of the book...


I was definitely wrong about myself.


Sometimes we have to take risks, even small ones ($100 is obviously not a huge risk), to find ourselves. And at times we find out we were wrong about ourselves. Which, in this case and in many others, is full of excitement and has the potential to really broaden our horizons and possibilities for our lives.


My favorite thing about the kindle is the % progress in the bottom right hand corner. 


I rarely fall asleep reading. Rarely. 


And then last night, I kept going for 1% more, and then once I got there, I thought, how about 1% more? And I kept going until I was afraid I would fall asleep and drop my new friend, er, kindle, and it would break. So I set it down, effortlessly slipping from the book into my dreams.


I know where I am going. I am going to see the bottom right hand corner say 100%. I am so excited about the possibility of getting there that I keep pushing and stretching myself.


This is why the kindle has been so successful. It is so much like life. 


If we are clear on what our 100% is. 


If our vision is compelling and crystal clear, we will continually find ways to make it happen, no matter what it takes, at all costs.


The 100% may be big (lifetime achievement stuff)? And it may also be small - something today or even in your next conversation.


It's about having it happen rather than figuring it out.


By the way, I'm currently at 8% reading "Born to Run."

I hope you are smarter

Today, as I was reading a book while out on a beautiful walk, I had this thought about writing...

I believe that those who write should write in such a way that their writing facilitates the reader becoming smarter than the author.

I know this may seem somewhat ridiculous, considering how knowledgeable an author is about his/her subject matter.

Yet I don't think it is out of the question.

Often times when I am reading content, it is new to me. And so I have a different experience when I am reading it than the author had when writing it. Assuming that when the final draft comes out, the information is no longer new to the author.

And that unique experience that happens when interacting with the information can cause the reader to do a number of different things such as

• inspire them to read more on the subject matter
• pull the information together from different angles to get an advanced meaning from it
• pull together information from the current book with other knowledge and experience from the readers life and draw further conclusions that may be more advanced than the original author
• spark unprecedented ideas in the readers mind
• etc.

I am not sure where all of this leaves us as writers. Yet I know I would be honored if my writing in any way inspired a reader to excel in any area of life, hopefully to the point that it far surpasses where I am currently at with the content (if they have not already surpassed me prior to reading what I have to say).

Isn't that what life is all about? 

Inspiring people to be great, no matter who gets the credit.

Subvert your default

Life presents us with a variety of occurrences and events.


And then we are given the opportunity to respond to those events and even create occurrences of our own.


And when life offers us, well, day to day happenings, such as

• We take a risk and it doesn't turn out as we hoped
• We offend someone (and become aware of it after the fact)
• Our boss treats us a certain way
• There is miscommunication between friends
• Our day doesn't turn out the way we had hoped
• We receive an email that is hurtful
• Traffic
• Etc, you get the idea...

When life offers us these events, there is often a response that is what I (and others) refer to as a default response. It is the response that comes to mind first or takes precedence over other possible options.

There is just one problem with this. The default response doesn't always get us towards the vision we have for our future. At times, if we choose that default response, it will be devastating for the life we say we want. 

And so we can choose the default response. Or we can choose to creatively subvert the default. We can choose to notice where it will get us, and if it pulls us from our vision, we can choose a different response - one that is in line with the vision we say we have for our life.

And if we are committed to that vision, we will get creative. We will not be run by our default response. We will intently choose our response. And sometimes the subversive response that we choose will miss the mark as well. And we will notice, and continue to choose other creative responses until we land the one that fully enables our vision.

If you are run by your default response, it causes me to wonder if your vision is really what you say it is. Don't fool yourself. If your impact is not in line with the vision you say you want, then it is not truly your vision...yet...up until now on.

But you can choose a different future. From now on, you can choose to live in line with your vision.

If the impact is in line with your vision, you are hitting it. If it's not, you missed it. Simple as that. Then you have the chance to go again. And again. And again. Until your desired impact lands with those around you. 

Choose to subvert your default (when necessary).

A time to listen

At times in life it is good to simply listen.

To take in the perspectives of those around you.

As you can perhaps guess, I am in a brief season of that right now.

It is such a refreshing experience.

To simply listen and really take it all in.