January 31, 2012

Holding Back

In life, I get this sense that so many of us are holding back.

This could be in our relationships, our jobs, our passions, our risks, etc.

And then, I imagine that the areas in which we are frustrated in life are the areas where we finding ourselves holding back.

I'm not sure what is coming up for you when I bring this up, but I believe something would come to mind if you asked yourself, "Where am I holding back right now?"

And then further, ask yourself, "Why am I holding back?"

My guess is that you feel you deserve better, or you have tried and failed, or you feel like you have given everything in that area...but if you had there wouldn't be any doubt.

Maybe if you were all in, fully committed, you would have what you want in that arena, you would be committed and succeed, and you would know that you had given everything, at all costs, to see your vision happen.

I suppose you could just keep holding back.

January 30, 2012

A gift overlooked

Oh how I love feedback.

Honesty, constructive criticism, you name it. It is feedback.

The world has the wonderful ability to gift us with feedback at nearly every moment of everyday.

Sometimes people tell us, other times we simply observe.

I am of the belief that what you do with that feedback greatly influences your future.

You can explain it away as if other people and the world don't know what they are talking about and that of course the whole world should revolve around.

Or you can be curious about the gift of feedback that others and the world are offering you. Realize it is just that, feedback. Discover where your life is in line with your vision and areas that you can commit to shift in - to bring about different results.

The world. Other people. Your internal thoughts.

All gifts.

How would your future become instantly full of possibility if you were simply curious about them?


January 29, 2012

The times we think we fail

It has been quite a weekend for me.

I took a fairly substantial risk.

And things didn't turn out as well as I had hoped.

At times this feels like a failure.

As I have been journaling about the weekend, my mind goes over the event numerous times as I consider everything that happened.

What went well.

What went something other than well.

And my mind goes where it will.

Yet I have the choice of whether or not to cause it to be submissive to my vision.

If I believe I am a failure, I am pulled away from my vision.

If I learn from the event, know that risking well is a success, and press on, I am drawn toward my vision.




January 27, 2012

Staying In It

What if you focused on the impact you are having in the lives of other people.

Instead of
Worrying about your confidence
Judging their clothes
Comparing yourself to them
Interpreting what they are saying (without seeking clarity)
Holding onto bitterness
Wondering so much about what they think of you
Etc.

The focus is everything. Focus on showing up for others with everything you have.

You may find yourself in the process.


January 25, 2012

Poem: Scripting Uncertainty


Life is visceral

Well at least I hope it is

Standing at the crossroads of the life I long for
And the one I'm leaving behind

Not a place to be for someone with a weak stomach

Looking out at the horizon, full of hope, fears, and everything in between
Looking back, wondering how I arrived here

Imagining what it is going to take for me to leap

I realize this is all part of the journey

A fulfilled life is inconsistent with cowardice
Nobody gets a free pass
The reward cannot be gained without the risk

You see, it is when you risk that you truly find yourself

Beyond all the ways you can script the predictable
And lay it all out as if you are unstoppable

Yet you know deep down inside the only one stopping you
Is you

And the only way to become unstoppable
Is to start quitting

Quit giving up on yourself
Quit letting fear have its way
Quit worrying about the worst case scenario
Quit holding out on the world around you

And start realizing its not about you

Its about connecting to them. Him. Her. 

You can't script others the way you do yourself.

Start living for them. Finding yourself in them. Fighting for them.

Unpredictable them.

How do you script uncertainty?

You don't. You show up. 


Impact is everything (nearly)

Is your life having the impact you'd say you want?

If not, what are some new things you could commit to doing that would enable you to achieve your vision?

If you don't shift something, your impact is not going to change.

If you are not having the impact you say you'd want, do anything else.

(We need you to fight for that impact)

January 24, 2012

Imagining a new future

I hear this quite a bit in my coaching, "I don't know what else to do, I have tried everything."

I, personally, love hearing this phrase.

Typically because there is a bit of a desperation, a longing, a hope that has yet to be realized.

I wouldn't have "tried everything" if I wasn't hoping for a particular outcome.

Yet, when I hear that phrase, I know a turning point is coming. I know that when I hear that phrase that the client wants a result they don't yet have. (and are starting to believe is not possible)

The turning point hinges on whether or not they are going to go all in and get committed to their desired outcome or continue blaming circumstances as to why their life can't be the way they want it.

This turning point is huge.

It is the difference between having a future that is a cyclical version of the past where nothing ever works out the way I want it to...

and...

A future where I get committed at all costs to having my life turn out the way I intend for it to.

The future I am committed will not come about without

Imagination
Creativity
Risk
Mystery
Uncertainty
Forgiveness

It just depends on what future you want. For me, the above list sure beats the alternative

Predictability
Monotony
Bitterness
Victim Mentality
Certainty

You get the picture.

A humbling question

What are you not committed to, only because you believe it cannot be done?

This question, taken from Tracy Goss' book The Last Word on Power, is one of the most sobering of questions that I have come across.

It sets my mind free to dream as if I were given a new porsche to drive along the canyon roads near my house.

I drive and at almost every corner I come go around, I feel the tires grip the road and my mind grips idea upon idea. I discover and rediscover things that I have left undone because I was afraid it could not be done.

And once in a while, fear sets in. The rain sets in, and the porsche slides around a corner as I take my eyes of the road, seemingly looking; hoping for more clarity; secretly hoping for a "secure" path where I will get to do what I love and make a lot of money and be successful without having to take any risks.

As I keep looking for something that doesn't exist, the heaviness of heart is felt. It is visceral. My porsche slides off the road and stops just before tumbling over the canyon.

I keep thinking, where does this courage come from? To take on the risks that lie ahead, knowing that failure is guaranteed and that success is the miracle we all long for.

I haven't found it yet. But I will.

The only way not to find it is to get out of the car and walk away.

The sound of a porsche engine turning over never sounded so good.

January 21, 2012

All about the journey

I know, I know. Such a cliche saying.

"It's all about the journey."

I was thinking about this idea when I was out on a walk today.

And what if it is about the journey, not the destination.

But the destination matters. The impact your life has matters.

So one can't depart from the destination completely.

It's this blend between having a clear idea of the destination and understanding it is all about the journey in the sense of knowing what transformation must take place within you in order for your vision to come to fruition.

What if the destination is less a place you are going and more the place you find yourself when you make the choices in line with the vision you say you have for your life?

It is all about doing whatever it takes, at all costs, to achieve your vision.

It is in the journey that you find out if you are willing to do whatever it takes.

The courage to suffer

"There is no need to be ashamed of tears, for tears bear witness that a man has the greatest of courage, the courage to suffer.” Victor Frankl

I love this quote.

I also happen to be a man who is an emotional guy.

I love how Frankl says that tears reveal the courage to suffer.

Life has thrown a lot at each of us and will continue to do so.

At times, working through all of this, past, present, and future, it will draw out of us emotion.

Not emotion just to get sympathy.

Emotion where we realize, pushing through this is going to take everything I have inside of me.

January 19, 2012

10 years ago

I had the thought today of what it would be like to go back 10 years ago and see my life as it was then.

The thought really got me thinking (imagine that).

I kept thinking about where I was at that point and then what all has happened in the past 10 years.

When I was 19, I was living in Omaha, NE and attending Creighton University studying meteorology and in Air Force ROTC intending to become a fighter pilot.

Since then, all of this has happened

  • Switched majors 3 times
  • Left Creighton and attended 2 other universities as well as took classes at 2 community colleges
  • Proposed in Paris and she said yes
  • Got married to an amazing woman named Sarah :)
  • Was blessed with 5 amazing nieces/nephews: Jacob, Gracie, Caleb, Renee, and Faith
  • My brother got married to the amazing Camille
  • My sister got married to the amazing Daniel
  • My parents moved to Ohio
  • I moved from Omaha to Colorado Springs to Dayton to Omaha to Dayton to Los Angeles to Berkeley.
  • I have slept in well over 50 locations (wish I actually kept track)
  • I was jumped/robbed while in Berkeley
  • Went through 2 seasons of mild depression
  • Traveled to Zambia (stopping in London on the way home)
  • Traveled to South Sudan (stopping in Frankfurt on the way there and Oxford and Paris on the way home)
  • Completed my master's degrees in theology and global leadership
  • Chose the career of being a Transformational Life Coach
  • Made new friends, yet said goodbye to so many other great friends
  • The list goes on...

When is the last time you thought about how much life has changed in the past decade?

January 8, 2012

Oftentimes forgiveness

When you are in a conversation that is frustrating or not going the way you would like it to go, I have found asking for forgiveness to be incredibly resourceful in the pursuit to connect with others.

When all else seems to fail, take a risk and ask for forgiveness,

for getting defensive,
for not being curious,
for being caught up in your judgments of the other person,
for neglecting your commitment to connect, 
for messing up,
for missing it,
for whatever your conscience and heart are revealing you.

And commit to connecting in the midst of it all.

You will know if you hit the mark. There will be no doubt.

January 6, 2012

The measure

I have come to believe that one of the most accurate measures of a person's character is how they respond when they are confronted, rebuked, challenged, contradicted, attacked, etc.

If the response is curiosity that pursues a clarity, it indicates one thing...

If the response is defensiveness, it indicates another...

Next time you are confronted, imagine if 1% of what the other person is saying has some truth in it about the impact you have on others.

Assuming you are curious about someone other than yourself.

January 5, 2012

The maps we create for others

I wonder how many more years until the people who are being born will have no knowledge whatsoever of what a map is. Or maybe we have already arrived there.

When I moved to LA in 2006, I purchased a Thomas Guide. I wonder if anyone even uses them anymore.

I digress.

Yet, one lens to look at the world is through the maps that we form in our mind, if you will.

For example, when I meet someone new, I have a first impression. A map begins to form in my mind of what I think about that person.

Then, if I continue to talk to them, the map changes shape as our conversations explore new territory yet discovered between the two of us.

And so we have a map of that person. This map includes assessments, judgements, interpretations, etc. of that person as seen from our perspective.

This can be resourceful - providing a foundation for exploring further...

It can also be incredibly crippling.

I confess that at times I have created a map in my mind of people and then held them in that map, choosing not to explore new territories of who that person could be.

Instead of seeing them with fresh eyes each day and being excited about possibility, I have at times put people in boxes, with thoughts such as, "that person is weird, makes stupid choices, will never change, etc."...

And then completely closed down the possibility of connecting with that person in a new way. Affecting both myself and the other person involved (and potentially the lives of everyone we ever interact with in the future. ever.)

And I am tired of doing this.

I am committing to exploring.

This does not mean scrapping the map. As mentioned, it is a foundation for exploring.

I am committing to look at the map with new eyes, and to expand the map and add detail through journeying into new conversations, interrupting my judgements, being curious, and connecting at new levels with people.

One approach keeps me in bondage.

The other, freedom.










Scribbling



Guy Garvey wrote,
"Just start scribbling. The first draft is never your last draft. Nothing you write is by accident."

Nothing you write is by accident.

Nothing.

I don't know about you, but this is incredibly inspiring to me.

To know that my writing is not an accident.

The first draft simply gets me closer to the final draft.

I wonder which draft would be considered the most innovative.

If I were to guess, I would say the first draft is probably the most innovative. It is where you begin to develop the idea and put it down on paper.

The subsequent drafts are hard work, yet often they are the refinement of the way in which the content is delivered.

My encouragement is to go write, knowing it is on purpose.

January 3, 2012

Self Occurrence?

I heard a question the other day, and it really got me thinking.

"How do you occur to yourself."

I wonder what it would like to be someone other than myself for a day and then experience myself.

I wonder what I would think?

Is there a way to truly get this perspective from others in our lives?

How would you say is the best way to get a 360 degree occurrence of oneself?

Judgements/Assessments/Interpretations

Judgements, Assessments, Interpretations.

As humans we are meaning making machines. Events occur all around us and our mind must make meaning of what all is going on.

Makes sense to me.

However, I'm not always excited about my judgements.

My judgements can cause me to be incredibly frustrated, think negative thoughts about others, believe that  my world is the only one that matters (of course), etc.

So then what?

This then provides a great opportunity for me to judge my own judgments. Interpret my interpretations. Assess my assessments. Get curious about where my judgements are getting me. Either they are getting me towards my visions or further away from it. It is worth looking into.

Another way of seeing it is: Either I "have" my judgements or they "have" me.

If my judgements "have" me, in my experience this is a victim conversation where I am just the result of whatever judgements show up for me and I respond however they tell me to. And thus I am dependent on something external to determine my fate, if you will.

If I "have" my judgements, I then choose to get curious about the judgements. I inquire regarding my internal conversation. I assess where those judgements and interpretations of reality are getting me.

Closer to my vision or further away.

Even writing about all this makes me want to make sure my vision is crystal clear and that I am "having" my judgements and having them submit to the vision I have for my life.

January 2, 2012

What is true for them

I am no stranger to conflict.

I read something the other day that discussed conflict. And it said that often times in conflict, we are so focused on ourselves and the point we are trying to make...

Rather than engaging what is true for the other person.

Now I wish I could say I always engage what is true for the other person all the time.

Yet I miss it at times.

My commitment is that, in the midst of conflict or any other conversation, I would engage what is true for the other person.

And when I miss it, when I get overly focused on what I think and the point I want to make, I will ask forgiveness and recommit to that person to engage and be curious about what is true for them.