Scarcity and Abundance

This is a shorter blog post that I am going to expand on in the very near future.

I believe there are numerous ways to look at life.

One of those ways - I have been reading about lately - is the idea of scarcity and abundance.

Scarcity is being insufficient for the demand.
Abundance is having a very large quantity of something.

These definitions are very intriguing to me especially when considering my responses to the world around me.

Oftentimes when I respond, it feels as if by default. That is just the way I respond and that is that.

According to the definitions, that response is a mindset of scarcity. There are not other options. The options are limited. There are not enough options to meet the demand.

Lately I have been trying out the abundance mindset, and it has proven much more resourceful.

With this mindset, I realize in almost all situations, there are numerous ways I can respond. There is a "very large quantity" of options that I can access if I think about it, and choose something other than my default.

Being in command of my life and knowing my vision facilitates my ability to weigh those options quickly, in real time, and choose the option that is in line with the person I want to be and the difference I want to make in the world.

In the end, it is all about my commitment. If I am not getting the result I want, I realize there are infinite other ways to try next time...until I get the result I want and my vision is actively being fulfilled.

Or I could just keep defaulting on my responses, blaming the world around me for my frustrations, wondering why I am so frustrated, saying I don't know what I am doing, etc., and then repeating that formula until I decide I want something new.

Focusing

Focus. Something with which I have been intrigued for quite some time.

My apple dictionary tells me that focus is defined as "the center of interest or activity" or  "the state or quality of having or producing clear visual definition."

And I have been thinking about focus particularly as it pertains to being in a conversation with someone else. And even more specifically, what causes some conversations to go well and others to go not so well.

I notice that when I am focused on the other person in a conversation, and truly understanding them, when they are "the center of interest or activity" and I have a "clear visual definition" of connecting with them, conversations are infinitely more resourceful than if I am just worried about getting my point across.

When I am focused on listening to the other person, I am able to orient the world around me in such a way that I am honed in on what I am committed to cause with that person. I am committed whatever it takes so that they know I am fully engaged.

When they get that I am fully engaged, the conversation is vastly different than if I am distracted in some or multiple ways.

They feel valued, encouraged, challenged, loved, served, cared about, inspired, etc.

Sure beats "not worth your time", "obviously your iphone is more important",  "glad you are concerned about the game on the tv behind me," etc.

Focus. Listen. Love.

It's your fault

There are basically 2 ways to approach many things that come at us in life: either you are become a victim of circumstance or you are committed to a vision.

If you are victim of circumstance, your life is merely a result of the circumstances in which you have lived. It's a nice place to be because you can always blame your frustrations on the circumstances you are in rather than take responsibility for making things happen.

If you are committed to a vision, you choose to be committed to seeing your life become what you intend. And you find a way, amidst whatever circumstances, to make that vision come to life. If your life is not currently where you want it to be, people who are committed to a vision take responsibility for their current life, then recommit to a new future.

Who would you rather be around?
Someone who is always blaming their troubles on others
OR...
basically anyone other than that :)

Writing More

As you may have been able to tell, I have been writing quite a bit more than previously.

I have written more in the past three weeks than I did in the previous 11 months.

I have committed to a couple of things: writing 3 pages of random thoughts/journaling 5/7 mornings each week, writing at least 5 blog posts each week, and writing a poem each week.

And three weeks into all this, I am realizing the resilience involved.

Like right now for instance. I am writing because I believe in the discipline of simply getting my thoughts out and putting the words on the page.

And at times it is tedious and at times I love it.

If the vision is clarity of thought, then the discipline that follows must be faithfulness in the everyday.

Would you join me? Make some commitments for January 2012.

Tell someone.

Follow through. Even when you don't want to.

Million to One Shot

The other day I saw a Rocky poster with the tagline: "His whole life was a million to one shot."

It really got me thinking.

I am committed to my life being like that.

I am committed to risking it all.

Sure beats "His whole life he played it safe."

With Vision comes Discipline

My friends have taught me a lot about the necessary connection between vision and discipline.

If you know me at all, you know that historically I am not a very disciplined person.

Up until now.

What I have learned that if I am struggling with discipline, it is probably linked to the reality that my vision isn't laser point specific, crystal clear, and incredibly compelling.

If it were, I would then discipline myself, i.e. orient the world in and around me, to achieve that vision.

Where there is a clear vision, the discipline follows.

It must.

In fact, the reality is: we are all disciplined.

For some of us, the discipline is that which enables us to avoid being disciplined.

I could write a book on this as I was a leading scientist in this field for nearly 29 years.

And if we are all disciplined, then we all have a vision.

For some of us, the vision is to be disciplined at not being disciplined.

Some of us have developed quite a skill for this over many years of a commitment to a lack of discipline.

To summarize:
We all have a vision.
We are all disciplined towards something.

The question is: are you liking what you are seeing?
Either way, you are choosing to be there. Yes, you.

Blaming others is simply another vision and another form of discipline.
And so is accepting responsibility and choosing a new path.

The discipline of writing

So, I have been writing quite a bit more lately.

Which brings the inherent reality of the resilience necessary to become an accomplished writer.

And of course this makes sense, even if I am not always a fan of the work necessary to produce a quality piece.

I am working on a poem right now. One that I really like the idea of.

It is taking me a bit longer than I thought. At times I want to give up on it. Or give it to someone and have them fix it up.

Oh, writing, why must you be so much like life.

Gift Giving

Up until now in life, I have had a habit of waiting until the last minute to figure out what gift I am going to give someone on a particular occasion.

And, as you can imagine, as I am writing this now exactly 1 week before Christmas, this habit has somewhat crept up on me again.

Or have I chosen to wait until the last minute?

Often, I struggle with this whole gift giving thing.

At times, I outright dislike it.

It has, at times, turned into just buying a bunch of stuff.

And I don't like the idea of that.

I am realizing that gift giving can and should take time. Not necessarily time getting the gift, but mostly time thinking about the person to whom you are giving a gift.

From now on, I am committing to choosing to spend time thinking about the person I am buying a gift for, and thinking about what I could buy them or make them that would bring joy to their life.

Rather than simply asking them what they want.

An incredible resource

I wrote 2 blogs about curiosity a few months back. See them here. http://davegerber.blogspot.com/2011/04/set-your-camera-down.html
http://davegerber.blogspot.com/2011/05/ability-to-see.html

I wanted to write a few more thoughts I had.

In my experience, curiosity can be described in a number of ways, all of which can prove to be resourceful to someone seeking an unprecedented future.

The approach I want to look at today deals with looking at curiosity in terms of interrupting one's judgements about oneself and the world around him/her.

As humans, we are meaning making machines. Our mind seeks to make sense out of the world we are living in.

And so an event occurs: someone cuts us off, a friend betrays us, we say something to someone that we realize we should not have.

And then we make assessments or judgments around the events. If someone cuts us off, we think, "You jerk, what is wrong with you!" Without stopping to think that there may be a good reason that person cut you off. (There might not be a good reason, but we have pretty much covered that possibility by flipping the person off and swearing out the window, as if they care.) Perhaps, it is a soon-to-be first time father driving his wife to the hospital as she is in the middle of labor...

It is probably not, but it might be.

A friend betrays us. We perhaps think negative things about her. Without getting clarity on the entire story. Perhaps there is more going on than meets the eye, and if we checked in with her some things might open up.

Curiosity provides us with the ability to interrupt our judgements. To be curious as to why the person is cutting us off or in a hurry, why our friend betrayed us, or why we are so judgmental of ourselves. Curiosity allows us to as "why" in a way that communicates that we truly want clarity on the situation and then can alter our response from there.

Curiosity is one of the most resourceful elements that life has provided me.

Start by noticing your assessments, then start a thought with "I'm curious as to..."

Cheese and Change

So, yesterday, Sarah and I went to the Cheeseboard.

The cheeseboard is a wonderful place here in Berkeley that has exotic cheeses from around the globe.

They also make fantastic pizza's and pecan sticky buns and the atmosphere is like an invitation to a place you have never been however you know all the people.

Sarah and I were feeling adventurous so we went to try some new cheese.

If you know me at all, you know I like one cheese. Sharp cheddar.

As you can imagine, the invitation at a place like this is to broaden your horizons and allow your palette to discover new tastes that you were previously unaware of.

But as I mentioned, I like sharp. cheddar.

And so I tried some other cheeses.

And it was weird at first, as I let the unique cheeses melt on my tongue as I absorbed the flavors, my mind was telling me frantically, (in the character of an old man resistant to change), "David, this is not sharp cheddar; what is this, it's not sharp cheddar; what is this...oh, oh, that was, that was kind of good...I wonder if I could like it...no, no, no, it is not sharp cheddar; I can't possibly like it."

Welcome to my world.

I wonder how often I am resistant to the unprecedented, the unknown, the uncertain because I am stuck in how things are; all the while unaware of a world that might exist. A world I have already given up on.

Now I know this may be a bit of a stretch from cheese, but it really got me thinking.

I find the risk worth the possibility of discovering those cheeses that are so savory they cause me to expand my vocabulary simply to describe their character

I wonder.

Oh bitterness...

I've been thinking about bitterness lately.

And by that I mean that in the past 12 months I have worked through a lot of bitterness.

And reflecting back on things and talking with friends and mentors, I have developed some thoughts that have been helpful to me and others and I would love to share them with you.

Bitterness is defined in a number of ways:
1. unresolved revenge
2. drinking poison and hoping someone else dies
3. anger, hurt or resentment because of one's bad experiences or a sense of unjust treatment

The Christian Scriptures state that the root of bitterness defiles many.

Bitterness: Not something that I would say that I would like to be a part of my life.

Until it does.

And at times it even feels good.

To pay someone else back by witholding myself from them.

Until you wake up and realize how alone you have become.

Because you have devalued many of the people and things around you.

In order for bitterness to remain, one must devalue people and things in their lives.

The way I see it, bitterness is a vow to not be hurt again.

And in my experience, bitterness can go undetected for quite some time.
Because bitterness is the choice to blame others for the condition of your life.
And so if everything is someone else's fault, what can be wrong with you?
You are doing just fine. It's everyone else who is the problem.

Bitterness? What bitterness?

And so the cycle continues.

It begins with the perception that someone else has caused your life to be the way that it is
(Rather than taking personal responsibility for who you have chosen to become)
{more on this later}

So that is where it begins. You were hurt.
Now I want to be clear in my communication here. Crystal clear.
I am not saying that nothing anyone does should not hurt.
Nor am I saying that it is your fault that someone did something hurtful towards you.

I am saying you have a responsibility for your belief system resulting from the events that have happened in your life.

You were hurt.
You realized that it didn't feel good to be hurt.
You vowed (to some degree) to not be hurt again.
You withheld yourself from others.
In order to withhold yourself, you devalued others. (you have to devalue them because if you value them, then they might be able to hurt you, and you are committed to limiting hurt in your life.)
So you devalue people and things.
You become cynical.
You are distrustful of others and become disillusioned with life.
Therefore, you choose to not show up and fully give yourself to others. You withhold yourself.
And therefore, you miss out on connecting with others.
Because you are trapped in your perspective (people can and will hurt you).
Because your perspective is safe (at least that's what you tell yourself).
And if you did truly give of yourself and receive from others, that would make you vulnerable.
And vulnerability is a bad thing, as it exposes you to the potential of being hurt.
And you are committed at all costs to not being hurt.
And so you hurt others by witholding from them.
Yet it's their fault. Because they or someone else life them (another human) hurt you.
And then you arrive at loneliness wondering why.

I have been there.

Waking up each morning feeling like you are in some sort of psychological washing machine with too much bleach, not knowing which direction is up nor having any idea where the door is because if you did you would do anything to kick it open and jump out...wishing for the days of old when you thought you knew yourself. When at least you had your innocence...

Hoping you will awaken one day and realize you were in a dream and everything is now fine.

And then the days turn into weeks, into months, into years.

You realize this is life. This is reality. No waking up from this.

You wonder if there is any hope. Could things get better? You ask yourself.

Everything you thought you knew seems to have deceived you.

And after a while, perhaps you come to the realization that it is time for something new.

At this point, you are likely willing to try anything.

Where do you start?

Here are my thoughts:

You are going to have to start by getting clear on how you have contributed to your life as it is currently.

Discover who you are currently bitter towards or disconnected with.

Get crystal clear about how you have contributed to the disconnect in the relationship.

Schedule a coffee date with them.

Begin the coffee date like this:

Admit to them that you have become bitter towards them.
Disclose to them how you have allowed your judgements of them to cloud your view of them.

At this point, I imagine you are getting a bit uneasy. You may have given up on me. But I ask of you, stay with me. I have been there. Before I had one of these conversations, I felt like I was going to throw up and pass out and have a seizure all at the same time. I ask you to consider how your current way of being has left you lonely and frustrated.

Recommit to do whatever it takes, at all costs, to rediscover yourself.

After you have acknowledged what is on your mind, ask for forgiveness.

Once forgiveness is extended, express your desire for a new relationship with the person.

One that chooses authenticity over cordial hypocrisy (aka acting if everything is always fine even when it is not)
Curiosity over judgment
Possibility over limitation
Love over condemnation
Fully giving of oneself over withholding
Compassion over anger
Clarity over confusion
Connection over disengagement
An unprecedented future worth having over rehashing past frustrations and hurts
Confession over pride
Hope over despair


Express your desire for this and then commit to it.

If they agree, then you have broken through to something new.

If they don't agree, there are some things to think through...
Maybe a chance to try again with the conversation or perhaps choose other friendships that can be founded on the values you are committed to.

Every part of me hopes you will choose something new.

Every day. Something new. A new way of Being. Hoping. Living.

Reality Illusion

Staircase from Inception

In life, I realize how often I get stuck in my own reality illusion.

Reality Illusion: the belief that my perception/perspective on the world is the only one (and therefore the correct one) {if someone else's perspective conflicts with mine, they are wrong and must fit into my world} [except when they don't]

Insert Conflict

Because there is this problem. There are all these other people in the world.

And they all have realities that are showing up for them.

We all do.

So then what?

My thought is that so often, I notice in my life that a LOT of frustration comes when I get completely stuck in my reality illusion. And if I don't get out of it by seeking to understand where others are coming from, I proceed to get way off track.

My encouragement to you is to really focus on seeing the world from the viewpoints of others. Once you get clear about where someone else is coming from, I am convinced that the level of your connection with them will rise greatly. And your frustration with the world will diminish.

And when you mess up or miss it; ask forgiveness and then go again.

Oh yeah, and don't take yourself too seriously. Enjoy life. Go again.

"Should"

Yesterday was a long day.

I left the house around 7am and arrived back home around 11pm.

I spent close to 4 hours in my car, got rear ended (no damage), made 2 trips to fry's, had 2 amazing coaching sessions with clients, and even went on a date with my lovely wife to Triple Rock Brewery. Did I mention that my wife is amazing?

It was one of those days that didn't show up much like I had planned.

Come to think of it, rarely does a day show up as it "should." I am aware that I am the only person who struggles with this, but humor me :)

Throughout the day, on numerous occasions, I reminded myself that the day was "perfect." The day was showing up just fine. And I was responsible for how I responded to what the day presented. And I could only take such responsibility once I gave up complaining about how all of this stuff wasn't supposed to happen.

And then I look back, and I could enjoy the day that God gave to me as a gift.

And I went to bed incredibly energized.

Because I chose to take delight in my vision for the future rather than complain about my circumstances.

Even when my vision scares the heck out of me at times.

But then again, who wants to live a life that doesn't scare them and even make them a bit nauseous from time to time?

Go Again.

I have been thinking recently about this whole idea of how I give up on people too quickly (typically in a conflict or difficult conversations).

I don't choose to stay in the conversation long enough to connect with the person I are talking with.

And isn't it all about connection anyways?

Often, the conversation and the other person don't show up the way I'd like them to, and so I get frustrated, judgmental, start complaining (maybe even whining) and want to quit (on myself and the other person).

Rather than connecting.

Rather than realizing my perception isn't the only perception out there (yes, I know!), and being able to set  my "reality" aside, shifting my way of being, and focusing on connecting with the person I am conflicting/seeking to connect with.

What would it cost? Me caring enough about the other person to connect to them At All Costs.

Next time you feel yourself frustrated at someone, ask yourself on a scale from 1-10: How connected are you to the person in that moment. Then go again. Try something new. Go again until you connect.

Poem about seeing

So much remains unseen
Complexities come our way
Some we see
Some we are blinded to

At times I am saddened by what I cannot see
To know I comprehend a small percentage of what is truly going on around me.
I wish I were able to see it all.
Alas, I cannot.

Dependence is a vulnerable place to reside
To choose a heart of flesh over one of stone
To choose a life well lived over one unknown
We cannot see so we cannot hide

Essential Blindness

Kenneth Burke wrote "A way of seeing is also a way of not seeing."

I am not sure what you thought when you first read that quote.

For me, at first I didn't get it. Then I thought about it more, and thought maybe I am getting it (but there is even still likely a portion of it that has not yet occurred for me).

We all have a way that we "see" the world. And if we are honest, we realize there are other people who "see" the world in a perpective that is unique from ours.

There are things we don't see; things that don't occur to us; things unseen; things we are essentially blind to.

I'm wondering how to best access those things that are unseen in order to bring them into view so that I can add them to my "unseen" realm.

For me, it is beginning with realizing there are other insightful perspectives out there.

How willing am I to tap into the sheer brilliance all around me?

Personal Branding

Can I be honest? Right now I am struggling...I have some direction, but am seeking more...all the while continuing to initiate things because that is where so much wisdom is learned and direction gained...

I am initiating things...yet am unsure if I am finishing them...but then I am...but am I?

I love standing with people and being with them in their personal development. I love it.

I love seeing possibilities opened, clarity discovered, souls explored, lives imagined

And I am actively doing all of this. I am standing with people, coaching them, if you will, although for some reason I am not a fan of the word "coaching" for some reason...

For me, "coaching" brings to mind a sort of semi motivational pep talk that rarely produces an elevation in results...

So what can I call what it is that I do and the way it is that I am being with people in exploring their personal development and elevating the leadership capacity?

Navigating?
Curious Exploration?
Imagine Navigation?
Imagine Curiosity?
Life Design? (although I don't like this one because I am not designing someone's life, I am rather exploring someone's heart with them and then pulling it together with them in such a way that produces transformation)...
Heart Discovery?
Imagine Elevation?
Excel + Elevation = Excelevation? Hmmm that one is kinda weird...

As you can potentially gather, I am in the process of branding myself.

I am putting into language what it is that I love to do...and then branding myself...with the vision of being able to do what I love to do at a professional level, make a difference in the world, and make a living doing so.

So, a couple of things I would love from you:
1. If you know me, would you mind putting to language how it is that you experience me?
2. If you have a cool company name idea/personal brand idea that I could start, and I pick your idea...I would offer in return three free hours of coaching for you (in person or on the phone/skype).
3. I am gaining experience coaching, and so if you are interested, email me at davidagerber@gmail.com and we could set up a time to get together (in person or on phone/skype). I am offering to do the first 75-90 minute "session" for free. After that, if you like it, we can talk about pricing for future sessions.

I hope you are having a wonderful day!

David Gerber, a guy with a passion for seeing people excel!

The ability to see

This is a bit longer of a post than I normally do, but if you have the time, it will be worth it.

I begin with a somewhat long quote from C.S. Lewis:

"'Whisht, now!' said my Teacher suddenly. We were standing close to some bushes and beyond them I saw one of the Solid People and a Ghost who had apparently just that moment met. The outlines of the Ghost looked vaguely familiar, but I soon realized that what I had seen on earth was not the man himself but photographs of him in the papers. He had been a famous artist.
'God!' said the Ghost, glancing round the landscape.
'God what?' asked the Spirit.
'What do you mean, "God what"?'asked the Ghost.
'In our grammar God is a noun.'
'Oh --- I see. I only meant "By Gum" or something of the sort. I meant ... well, all this. It's...it's...I should like to paint this.'
'I shouldn't bother about that just at present if I were you.'
'Look here; isn't one going to be allowed to go on painting?'
'Looking comes first.'
'But I've had my look. I've seen just what I want to do. God! --- I wish I'd thought of bringing my things with me!'
The Spirit shook his head, scattering light from his hair as he did so. 'That sort of thing's no good here.' he said.
'What do you mean?' said the Ghost.
'When you painted on earth - at least in your earlier days - it was because you caught glimpses of Heaven in the earthly landscape. The success of your painting was that it enabled others to see the glimpses too. But here you are having the thing itself. It is from here that the messages came. There is no good telling us about this country, for we see it already. In fact we see it better than you do.'
'Then there's never going to be any point in painting here?'
'I don't say that. When you've grown into a Person (it's all right, we all had to do it) there'll be some things which you'll see better than anyone else. One of the things you'll want to do will be to tell us about them. But not yet. At present your business is to see. Come and see. He is endless. Come and feed.'
There was a little pause. 'That will be delightful,' said the Ghost presently in a rather dull voice.
'Come, then,' said the Spirit, offering it his arm.
'How soon do you think I could begin painting?' it asked.
The Spirit broke into laughter. 'Don't you see you'll never paint at all if that's what you're thinking about now?' he said.
'What do you mean?' asked the Ghost.
'Why, if you are interested in the country only for the sake of painting it, you'll never learn to see the country.'

As I was reading this in The Great Divorce, I re-read it and re-read it and re-read it...

It began to blow me away with insight.

The Ghost was interested in the country only for what it could offer him (that he could paint it).

If I'm authentic here, I must admit that at times I am the Ghost. I can tend to see things, at times people, for what it/they can offer me. And in the midst of this, I sacrifice the ability to truly "see."

I have missed having great friendships perhaps, I have missed enjoying nature at times, I have sacrificed authentically knowing myself even...because I didn't choose to simply "be" with people.

I overlooked being curious, being present, being all there, in each moment.

This passage from the book is has compelled me to make the following commitments:
1. Be curious from the inside out (go deep in reflecting with myself and my inner conversation).
2. Be curious about others.
3. Show up and simply be present in the moment.
4. See things for what they are.
5. See people for who they are (rather, perhaps, than my agenda or for what they might offer me).
6. Be aware of my interpretations and judgements and choose how I will respond to them.
7. Authentically bring to light the things that I might see better than others (live out my strengths, talents, and passions.

Will you join me?