Becoming a Hero

I have been thinking a lot about heroism the past several days.

And to be honest, it is because a close friend was honest with me and shared that she thought I was doing some things in my life because I want to be seen as the hero.

That type of honest feedback can give a mind quite a bit to think about.

This thought came to me this morning:

You don't become a hero by trying to be a hero. You cannot deem yourself a hero. You naturally become a hero when the people you interact with experience freedom. You become a hero when the person you speak with next experiences the freedom to be themselves when they are with you.

It has much more to do with your impact than your intent.

One may intend to be a hero. Yet if one doesn't have the impact of freedom, one must ask oneself the question "What am I being a hero towards?" "What is the intent of my heroism?"

If the impact of one's intended heroism is not setting others free, it is possible that it is actually enslaving them. Because if I am trying to be a hero for my own sake, then I must use others to attempt to prove to myself and others that I am hero.

On the other hand, if I go about life in such a way that sets others free, then the focus is not really about me anyways. I will not be concerned with being the hero. I will not be worried as to whether or not people think of me as amazing. I will simply care that they are free.

I wonder how I got here. To a place where I am more committed to being a hero than I am committed to seeing others come alive.

Regardless of how I got here, the shift happens now.

Who do you focus on more each day? Yourself or the lives you long to impact?

Asking Questions and Giving Advice

As an exercise today, take an internal inventory of when you are asking others questions vs when you give others advice (solicited or not).

Asking others questions brings about self-generated insights.

Giving advice is a form of giving your insights to others.

It is no secret that people act much more quickly and with much more intentionality when they generate their own insights.

And, studies show that when you ask a number of questions, aid someone in coming up with self-generated insights, at that point their brain is then more open to the advice you have.

How much more possibility would you have access today if you led with intentional questions?

We need you to lead us

So many people are just living with the status quo, simply because that is what everyone else is doing.

I believe many of these people are longing to be led out of the mediocre life.

It only takes one.

Who will you lead out of mediocrity today?

It could be a conversation in a coffee shop, an encouraging note or email, a hug, or anything else you can do to creatively lead others.

We need you.

Say that clearly

Susan Scott writes,

What I get to say is not what I want to say,
is not what they listen to,
is not what they hear,
is not what they understand,
is not what they remember when I'm gone,
What do I want them to remember when I'm gone?
I need to say that, and only that...clearly!

What do I want them to remember when I'm gone?

This question is greatly informing the way I go about my day?

With my interactions, I am interested in how people will remember me after a particular conversation, after they see me interact with others, etc.

This helps me clarify the impact I am committed to having.

What someone is not saying

Have you ever tried listening to what someone is not saying verbally?

As in, truly listening to what they are saying with their demeanor, presence, non verbals, tones, volume, frustrations, pain, hurt, self-criticism, etc...

I am certain, if you do this today, you will listen at a new level.

You will be dialed in to the conversation at a new level.

There have been few times I have experience someone listening to me at this level.

And it was some of the most empowering moments of my life.

Over-predicting the Future

Last night my wife and I were spending some time with a couple of older couples in their 40's and 50's.

They had some pretty amazing stories.

One couple in particular had their lives changed when they "coincidentally" met this realtor about 30 years ago.

The realtor had a huge impact on their lives, because she not only helped them find a house, she also helped them get a house that was bigger than they expected, told them unique ways they could afford it, including opening and in home daycare, and also gave them other advice that has dramatically altered the course of their lives. From what I could tell, it is possible that a portion of the wealth they currently have could almost directly be tied to the brief influence of this realtor.

And I kept thinking about how I try to over-plan out my future.

Instead of living in the moment and trusting the provision that is there, knowing each moment has resource, and I may not always even be aware of how much that resource may alter the future decisions I make and impact that my life will have.

May we all be fully present. Fully expectant of the miraculous in every moment. Even when the miraculous doesn't come to fruition until decades down the road.

Understanding others

B. Joseph Pine II, in "The Experience Economy" wrote, "The experience of being understood, versus interpreted, is so compelling, you can charge admission."

This quote caused me to wonder how attune I am to truly understanding others and where they are coming from. Is my ability to do that trumping my interpretation of someone?


Or am I assuming my interpretation is right?


My hope is that I let people be who they are, and not impose my "camera angle" of reality on them.


As I am writing this, I am discovering that there are people, even in the past week, that I have been interpreting rather than understanding. 


And with that knowledge, I have the ability to now choose another path.